anger and weekly reflections: 6/9 – 6/15

Change in weight (6/9/20 –6/15/20):  -0.8 LBS

My Monday weigh-in this morning brought a smile to my face. I have failed to reign in my eating the way I would like, so seeing that I lost almost a pound this week made me happy that my commitment to the process, even if not perfect, is still paying off. But I am not going to talk about my weight loss in this post, I need to talk about a different form of health; mental health.

I have no experience in the field of mental health so am speaking only as an observer of myself. I have been angry lately. When I say angry, I mean angry. I’ve been bitter, irritable, pissy, cranky, frustrated, and any other word that can meet the definition. I am not only feeling it, but acting it. My wife and daughter have unfortunately had to witness this. I spend my whole day putting a facade on for work or other people, then I just give in and act like a turd to the ones who love and support me the most. Thank God they love me. Thank God I recognize how lucky I am.

I feel like i’m waking up with the fuze already cut in half. My tolerance for things is depleted by noon, sometimes earlier. I have been spending some time trying to figure out why, but usually am distracted and don’t actually get to the bottom of it. Writing the post is the most I have thought about it so far. What is contributing to such anger? Well there are a multitude of things, but why can I not deal with them as I normally would?

Starting with the selfish, I am frustrated with work. I don’t like it when I cannot see apparent solutions to problems. There is also an element of just feeling overwhelmed. Having the rest of life bleed into you work-life. Emotions are not respecting the line in the sand of work versus non-work. But I have historically been resilient to these types of things, why now is this pushing me over the edge? And on top of it all, my daughter is also acting like a toddler, which comes with its own set of stresses, but that’s parenthood and I can handle that. I am also sick of being home 24/7 and desperately miss loved ones and friends, but that is no excuse either.

Externally, the US is tearing at the seems. We seem to have a government and a populous that has decided to politicize a pandemic, rather than just try to take a pragmatic, smart, and scientific approach to it. We also have populations of POC who are begging us to address our Country’s systematic and historical oppression, and most won’t even take a minute to reflect and ask more. What happened to the humans with a heart who try to feel for others, and try to understand the root causes of issues? This reactionary environment is so damn toxic. I do feel that these are enough to warrant anger, but not enough for me to treat my family the way I have and let it influence my ability to be a good person.

So what am I doing and what should I do to address this? I have been feeling a need to act and to be an ally for POC and minorities. I ordered two books to start reading, to educate myself, and to help remove some of the ignorance I have. Beyond this, I have been listening and considering different ways that I can help. These steps, although most likely not nearly enough, can help me address some of the emotions around the civil unrest. I know it may not remove some anger, but it can help me find a path forward.

On a personal side, I need to take some time off from work. Plain and simple. I need to separate myself from those responsibilities and take a few days to solely focus on my family and the needs surrounding us. I need to get some rest, for my body and for my brain. I need to remember what is good in this world and count my blessings. I need to do some good for people, because giving and loving is medicine for the soul. One thing that has helped a little is working out. It is a set aside time to just sweat, work my butt off, and be alone.

I feel like I am more rambling than anything with this post, but I feel I am not the only one in this boat. I want to say it is okay to be overwhelmed but it is not okay to let it manifest with such negativity in me. I want to give myself a break but also feel that with the world where it is, why should I take a break if others cannot? I am hoping to work on the things above a bit this coming week and will check back in next week on how it is going.

Is anybody else just off? Angry, tired, overworked, feeling helpless? Do you feel you are taking it out on others? What are you doing to work on it? Does it help to talk through it or to be quiet and think on it?

If you know anybody who you think might benefit from reading my blog, please share it with them. I would love to reach more people because the success I am currently experiencing comes after years of struggle and frustration that I know many others face. If I can help myself through this, wonderful. If I can help others, even better! I am here to cheer on your effort and work, to whatever goal you are aspiring towards.

Please leave a like or a comment!

How did I do on last weeks action plan?:

  1. 5 Cardio workouts. 1 45 min ride, 1 HIIT Ride, 1 Low Impact ride, 2 runs. Partially attained. 5 rides and 1 run
  2. 2 Strength Sessions (Tues/Sat) Not Attained
  3. Plan out my meals, stick to them, and portion snacks. Partially Attained. Too much takeout
  4. 2 additional outdoor activities. This can include walks with my daughter, disc golfing, skiing, etc. Attained
  5. 3 dedicated stretch sessions. 2 10-min lower body and 1 10 min full body (Mon/Wed/Fri). Attained
  6. 20-30 minute midday walk on work days. Attained
  7. Track every bite. Attained
  8. Drink 10 glasses of water per day. Attained
  9. Find some quiet time to calm my thoughts and mind. 2 5-10 minute sessions. Attained

Action Plan

  1. 5 Cardio workouts. 1 45 min ride, 1 HIIT Ride, 1 Low Impact ride, 2 runs.
  2. 2 Strength Sessions (Tues/Sat)
  3. Plan out my meals, stick to them, and portion snacks
  4. 2 additional outdoor activities. This can include walks with my daughter, disc golfing, skiing, etc
  5. 3 dedicated stretch sessions. 2 10-min lower body and 1 10 min full body (Mon/Wed/Fri)
  6. 20-30 minute midday walk on work days
  7. Track every bite
  8. Drink 10 glasses of water per day
  9. Find some quiet time to calm my thoughts and mind. 2 5-10 minute sessions

Please stay tuned for more updates. If you have been enjoying this, please become an email follower or a wordpress follower. Having this public audience has been a positive motivation for me to continue working towards my goals and so I really am thankful for all of you!

DateChange in Weight
12/2*-5.4 lbs
12/9-5.4 lbs
12/16-3.4 lbs
12/23+2.8 lbs
12/29-1.2 lbs
1/6-1.4 lbs
1/13-1.6 lbs
1/20-1.4 lbs
1/27+0.4 lbs
2/3-1.2 lbs
2/10-4.6 lbs
2/17+0.4 lbs
2/24-1.6 lbs
3/2-3.2 lbs
3/9+1.8 lbs
3/16-3.2 lbs
3/23-0.6 lbs
3/30+0.4 lbs
4/6-1.6 lbs
4/13+0.8 lbs
4/20-1.8 lbs
4/270 lbs
5/4+2.4 lbs
5/11-5.2 lbs
5/180 lbs
5/25-1.0 lbs
6/1-1.2 lbs
6/8-0.4 lbs
6/15-0.8 lbs

* I first weighed myself on a Sunday night and began the regular weigh-ins the following morning


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