It has not been a full year, but damn has it been close since I last posted. A lot has happened since that time. In fact, without real hard thought, I am going to struggle to recollect it all with clarity of event or timeline. Today I would like to discuss mental journey, health goals, life, and milestones. And because I do not want to burry the lead, the last shall be first.
Y’all (said with genuine New England accent), I attempted and completed my first 10k this past weekend! Like **sensor warning** Fuck Yea! I am the proudest I have felt in quite some time. I am amazed and humble. I feel lucky and I feel longing.
Let me unpack those feelings quick. I am proud because I signed up for something I would have never thought I could have accomplished. I am especially proud because I have not had the greatest trajectory for my weight and fitness over the past 10 months, but more of that later. I am amazed because I completed it. I completed it on my terms and I did not run the whole thing, but I did my best! I am humble because I don’t really feel worthy. There is still a piece of me that feels like an imposter in this arena. “Who, me?” “I am no runner, just a big guy faking it to get healthier”. I feel lucky because I have the health that allowed me to do this, something that many people don’t and I feel lucky that my imposter syndrome is now a minority voice in my head. Lastly, I long. I long to do it again. I long to continue to push the boundaries of my own expectations for myself and to show the world I have no ceiling.
The past year has had some ups, downs, and rollercoasters. My wife and I closed on our house last summer. Work became overwhelming for us. We both switched jobs in November. Our kids are 1 and 3. We got a puppy Bernese Mountain dog… because, ‘why not?’ We struggle every day with the demands of life, but we are optimistic that the future is ours to grab. Needless to say, there has been some stuff.
Mental Journey is hand in hand with Health Goals
With all the events of life, emotions have been all over the place. This past fall I had averaged 3-5 Peloton rides per week for over 18 months. Since then I have maybe done 5 total. I completely got kicked off my routine and I started falling on old habits. Eating my feelings, moving less, that nightcap instead of water. That second dinner portion because ‘I want it.’ My mental health is so intertwined with my physical activity. Studies confirm this. I am up when I have been hitting goals and staying consistent. I am down when I am not. I have gained back a bunch of weight and am sitting at about 35 pounds down, when I had lost 65.
Despite that, I want to continue moving forward as a work to rebuild my consistency and routine. That’s where the 10k came in. Like, friends, I did it! I was slow, I had to walk some, but I finished it and was proud of my time.
I am trying to rebuild basics one step at a time. The past couple weeks I have focussed on simply getting my movement back in week over week. Be runs, the gym, walks, or the bike, I am trying to log a consistent movement. I am also rebuilding my food logging and CARING about what it says. Finally, this blog had a direct correlation to my success. So, I am going to try and get back on this train.
As always, to whomever reads this, thank you. The fact that you take time to peer into the complexity of my life goals is kind and humbling to me. I do not take your time and care for granted. I will be getting back into posting about me and also things that work and don’t work. So stay tuned.
Please follow @a_better_ben on instagram if you can. I am more active there and love the community I have developed.